How to Overcome the Hurt of Gathering
Sometimes, the loudest seat at the table is the one left empty. Holidays have a way of stirring memories. Some are warm. Some are aching. And even surrounded by people, we can still feel alone.
If this season is tender for you, you’re not weak. You’re human.
The Ache of Absence
One Thanksgiving, someone placed an extra chair at the table out of habit. It sat empty all night, and the weight of it felt heavier with every passing moment. I stepped outside and let the cold air clear my head. That’s when I remembered Jesus’ words:
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” — Matthew 5:4 (ESV)
Grief is not the end of gratitude. Some of the deepest thankfulness grows in the soil of loss. That’s often when we thank God not only for what we had, but for the love we still carry.
God Draws Near to the Brokenhearted
“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” — Psalm 34:18 (ESV)
He doesn’t rush us through pain. He walks through it with us. When gatherings feel hard, His presence becomes our safe place. Sometimes the holiest moment at the table is the quiet one. The moment when we feel His comfort settle gently over sorrow.
How to GATHER When It Hurts
To honor relationships doesn’t always mean celebration. Sometimes, it means remembrance.
Here are a few gentle ways to gather even when your heart still hurts:
- Create a remembrance moment. Light a candle or set an empty chair as an intentional tribute, not an accidental reminder. Say their name. Share a memory. Thank God for the gift of their life.
- Invite safe people. You don’t need a crowd; you need presence. Gather with those who will listen without fixing, and sit with silence if needed.
- Build new traditions alongside old ones. Keep what still brings comfort. Release what no longer does. Start small with one new dish, a prayer, or a walk together after the meal.
- Let vulnerability lead. Instead of pretending everything is fine, open space for honesty. Sometimes the words, “I’m having a hard time this year,” are enough to invite healing. Others can’t help if they don’t know.
- Offer kindness to someone else who’s hurting. Write a note, make a call, or deliver a meal. When we comfort others, our own comfort often grows.
Grief and gathering can coexist. Let tears and gratitude exist side by side.
The Rooted Reflection
If your heart aches this season, don’t hide it. Let God meet you there. Even in the valley, hope still lives. And when we encourage another hurting soul, we are still living out the essence of GATHER, maybe more than ever before.
